- A cool invention would be creating lemons that have a tequila-filled centre.
- Is it me or does every German-speaking man sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger?
- You know those free newspapers you get in the subway and bus? I picked one up the other day. It's ridiculous. It's like looking at a print version of Twitter. News condensed down to 140 characters or less -- just what we need.
- I tried catching some Z's, but instead I caught some sideways N's.
- I love when you see someone winking at someone else in the hopes of picking them up. That's like saying: "Hey, babe. Look at me. I know how to control my eyelids."
- Why does a room always look like a tornado or hurricane hit it? Why not any other sort of weather event? "Johnny! Look at your room! It looks like light showers with a southwesterly wind and a high of 10C hit it!"
- I am so out of shape. I'm out of breath half the time. I remember when I used to be...in breath.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Just a few thoughts to tide you over while I work on other thoughts...
Posted by Jeff at 10:17 AM
Monday, October 19, 2009
As we're in the midst of autumn, I get to enjoy watching the leaves change colour, fall to the ground and die, leaving me having to spend countless hours sweeping and cleaning and bagging the leaves. Man, I love autumn!
- I was hunting for the meaning of life when I finally found it! It was right there in the dictionary under "L"
- You know you're stressed when your antacid gives you heartburn
- Call me paranoid, but don't you get the impression that all those chinese restaurants with the signs in chinese say things like: "Don't come in here. We serve crap. This is for tourists and white people."
- What's the idea behind a secret admirer? They're secret. You have no idea who they are. How do you know you have one then? Hell, I've got a good two dozen secret admirers out there. Yup. Yes I do.
- I used to dance to Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice. Yes, shoot me now. Put me out of my misery.
- I've been to a Neil Diamond concert. Hey, I told you to shoot me.
- You can't be a real doctor unless you've said to at least one patient: "No more monkeys jumping on the bed."
- I went job hunting once. Stood in a tree for hours. Camouflage vest, rifle -- the whole thing. Didn't spot one single job.
- So now there's this "Balloon Boy" incident where a man claimed his 6 year old was in this hot-air balloon, yet when it landed he wasn't there and instead was found at home. Geez, doesn't David Copperfield do that as a part of his act daily?
- Who decided that relish belongs in a squeeze bottle? Hey, what a good idea! Let's take something that's full of chunks and put it in a bottle you have to squeeze to get the chunks out! Has anyone NOT made a mess when using a squeeze bottle of relish?
Posted by Jeff at 1:46 PM