Sushi and all that jazz

It's a Monday. I'm tired. Luckily, I learned how to sleep-type.

• Vegetarian sushi is not sushi. Sushi is raw fish. Vegetarian sushi is just vegetables that happens to be wrapped in rice.
• Do not jump on a bandwagon. Get on carefully and only while it's not moving.
• Eggplants taste nothing like eggs. (This one courtesy of Mark J.)
• Your life was filmed before a live studio audience
• Anytime someone says to you "I'm listening" they're lying. They're talking. You're listening.
• Someone called me crabby the other day. I shook my pincer at him, told him no and walked away sideways.
• A good time to run: When Hannibal Lecter compliments you on having an open-mind.
• I love those fruit drink labels that say: "Now with 10% real juice." What that really says is "Now it's only 90% totally fake."
• I'm looking for my Equal, but I'll settle with Sweet and Low.