Some thoughts for today

• Someone told me they're going shopping because there's a pair of shoes with their name on it. I bet that dude Nike says that all the time.


• A study just came out saying 8 out of 10 accidents are caused by inattentiveness. I thought 10 out of 10 accidents were caused by them being an ACCIDENT. If they're caused by something else, it's not an accident.


• Do you think kids grew up to be clowns because their parents said "Don't make me wipe that grin off your face?"


• When I used to hand in essays, I'd say to my teacher "Mark my words, I'd better get a good grade!" They never got the joke.


• I don't really have a train of thought. My thoughts are limited to the caboose.


• Whatever happened to acid rain? You don't hear much about that anymore. Maybe it's time they hire a new agent. Last I heard, they were opening for Guns 'N' Roses.


• Have you ever started spinning in a swivel chair and wondered if you swiveled too much, the chair would unscrew itself and you'd topple over? Yeah, me neither.


• Did you know if you try to fold any size piece of paper in half more than 5 times, you can't? This is impressive given you can barely fold a tree in half more than once.


• I'm trying to be more spontaneous. For example, I plan on being spontaneous next Wednesday.