New Years Day Random Thoughts

• Someone told me the other day they "hem and haw" about things. My mom used to hem -- pants. What's haw?
• "Cross my heart and hope to die!". Pretty violent way to say "I promise," don't you think? I'll just stick with "I promise"
• I find it ironic that gas station food causes gas.
• When I was a kid, my mom used to say "Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite." Scared the crap out of me. I'd spend an hour afraid of biting bed bugs. Now I'm no longer afraid, but I can't say "bed bugs bite" three times quickly.
• I've never had a cup of coffee in my life. Seriously. That might be because I don't have time in-between my 5 cups of vodka a day.
• True story. Overheard on the radio last week regarding a dismembered body found in an alley: "An autopsy is being conducted to confirm foul play and rule out other possibilities such as an industrial accident or drug overdose." I've never done drugs, but last I checked, doing drugs doesn't cause your arms and legs to fall off.
• Anyone find it odd eating heated turkey meat will make you sleepy? Does a turkey out in the sun get tired? (Editors note: Yes, I know the answer to this one -- save the emails.)
• If you forget something, how do you know you've forgotten it -- unless you remember you've forgotten something. Doesn't that mean you should be able to remember it? I need a drink.
• How is it that ghosts seem to be able to easily walk between walls, but you never see them fall through the floor? Does gravity apply to ghosts?
• I hope one day we breed pigs that have wings and can fly. That way, all those people who've said "When pigs can fly" will have to do all that shit they didn't want to do.