Thursday, January 3, 2008

Live Hard. Laugh Harder.

  • "Onwards and upwards": Many times have I gone onwards. Not too often have I gone upwards. Never have I done both. I would imagine that's difficult to achieve -- unless you use Viagra.
  • I voted for the election last week at an Advanced Polling Station. I believe I'm an advanced person, thus I qualified.
  • A friend of mine told me when she gets drunk, it sounds like she speaks "in tongues". I said "Well that's why no one understands you. Try speaking in words."
  • Last night, I took a walk on the wild side. It was too wild, so it turned into a run. Luckily, I rounded the corner and ended up on Easy Street. Both of those streets are in the middle of Nowhere. You can find Nowhere just east of Cheektowaga.
  • "It's the thought that counts." -- Usually, if someone is saying that, it means there was no thought in the first place.
  • I once coughed, sneezed, and farted all at once. I lost 15 lbs. Two people died.
  • Do you think photographers get kick-backs from the Dairy Board everytime they tell someone to "Say cheese!"

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