Dating Website Tips

I have no problem saying that I'm quite familiar with dating websites. I see profiles almost daily and I have some interesting observations and comments. I don't claim to be perfect or an expert, but I can offer a few suggestions and comments. If any of these apply to you, don't take it personally...

Picture Do's and Don'ts

• If there is someone else in the picture with you, crop them out. Don't make put a big black mark over their head. It looks like you're a hitman showing who you're going to take out next.
• Speaking of people in your pictures, do NOT post a picture of you at YOUR wedding; you on a date; or you in any scenario when you're with an ex-significant other. Basically you're saying to potential dates: "Here's a list of other people that will complicate your life."
• Do use a picture of yourself in a "normal" situation. While you may look amazing in that ball gown or tux, chances are that's not how you're going to show up for your date.
• Don't use a blurry picture, unless you're a blurry person.
• Make your picture match your profile. I see so many profiles where people say they're the most delightful person to be around and their picture is of them frowning like they've just been told to f-off or they're the most flirtatious person in the world and they're glaring into the camera.
• Don't pose with your car, motorcycle, computer or any other form of machinery. People want to date you, not your car. Yes, yes, I know people think your car is hot...
• If you're 40, don't post a picture of you when you were 20. Do you think your date won't notice when you meet?
• Guys, stop with the penis pictures. Please. Let go of it, take two steps back and stop and think with your OTHER head for once. A woman wants to date you -- your penis happens to be attached. And if you happen across a woman who's rather interested in your penis, try not to act like a dick (pun intended).

Profiles Do's and Don'ts

• If I read one more time: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy"... It was funny and unique at one time. It's not anymore.
• Do not post any sort of line you read on a bumper sticker or t-shirt and claim it as your life philosophy. It is not. You don't talk that way and you don't think that way. It might be a great ideal to strive for, but you do not truly "Live every moment like it's your last." Frankly, that's rather gruesome.
• Be unique -- just like everyone else. Oh wait, that's from a t-shirt. Nevermind.
• Talk about what you like, not about what you dislike. Your ad shouldn't start off with "No" followed by a list of 15 points.
• Don't reveal your entire life story from birth to present day. Otherwise, your date will consist of "So what's new since your ad?"
• General rule: If you're saying it in your ad, it's something you'd normally say in person. If not, it doesn't belong in your ad.
• If you're funny in your ad, be prepared to be funny when you're on your date. If you're serious in your ad, be prepared to have a serious date.
• One-word: Spell check. Wait, that's two words. Or is it spell-check? Spellcheck?